So I am down in Poole on the coast. I had to stay overnight as I had meetings early the next morning. I booked into Hotel du Vin; a decent enough hotel - comfortable bed, warm surrounds and decent food.
I head down for breakfast, take a seat, order some coffee and eye out the buffet. Quick fruit bowl and a nice sweet yoghurt. And then the main event - eggs benedict with salmon.
The EB arrives; it tastes ok - I find that a great EB rests on the hollandaise sauce. That's the key - and that's generally where things go wrong. The sauce draped over the eggs was just passable - a bit gloopy but at least the eggs were not like rocks (which is also sometimes a risk!)
A guest opposite me orders the same. Given that there was no one else in the restaurant I couldn't help but watch his interaction with the waitress - and ultimately with his EB.
Round 1
The EB is presented to him. He stares intensely at it, as if he is expecting a little chicken to pop its head out of the hollandaise sauce. He picks up his fork and pokes it - poke, poke, poke. Pause. Stare. Poke, poke, poke. And then cutlery down. Waitress summoned. An exchange. From what I could determine the gentleman was unhappy about the sauce and the way it was distributed over the eggs. First plate of EB back to the kitchen.
In the meantime, he requests a single sausage on a separate plate.
Round 2
Second plate of EB arrives. Again the pause and the death stare. Fork lifted and the poking begins. Seemingly satisfied that the sauce has the appropriate consistency, the knife is deployed. The waitress brings over the single sausage and the order is complete.
Wrong.
The guest's knife comes into the contact with the muffin in a sawing motion. Saw, saw, saw. Pause. Stare. Saw, saw, saw. Cutlery down. Waitress summoned. An exchange. This time the muffins haven't been toasted evenly. I note a slow spiral of smoke coming out of the waitress's left ear, but she manages to remain calm. Plate back to the kitchen.
Round 3
In the meantime, the single sausage is now cold. Waitress summoned. Single sausage back to the kichen. Smoke appearing out of both ears.
Round 4
EB + poker-hot sausage presented. Staring, poking, sawing - and lo-and-behold, feeding commences!! The smoke subsides and the waitress disappears - no doubt to commit an act of vandalism (the guest's car was parked outside the restaurant)...
We all send back food - I have been known to send back a coffee - but 2.5x (the 0.5x is for the single sausage) - jees, that's just too much especially at the time in the morning! And heaven forbid, he had sent it back a 3rd time - well, he wouldn't have had an opportunity to taste the fourth plate because the waitress would have stabbed him...!
A humorous start to my day for sure.
Out.