Julius Malema and Floyd Shivambu are sitting in a private members club in Sandton enjoying a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label discussing the launch of Julius’s new political party.
Floyd: Julius howzit going my man?
Julius: Eish, not so good, not so good. I took the Breitling in for a service – man, it’s going to cost me 10,000 rend to fix.
Julius looks despondently into his crystal tumbler.
Floyd: That’s daylight robbery….did the jeweller know who you were?
Julius: Of course; but he still wanted me to pay up front! I tell you the Revenue Service is trying to screw me with this court case.
Julius gulps down a shot of Blue and reaches for a refill.
Floyd: Don’t worry Julius, when you come to power you can nationalise it.
Julius: Good thinking, I hadn’t thought of that.
Floyd: Don’t let them get to you man; remember what you told me about how you picked yourself up after getting 28% for woodwork at school?
Julius: 30% Floyd…30%...
Julius shifts uncomfortably in his high back leather Chesterfield.
Floyd: Are you sure, I could have sworn you told me 28%...
Julius: Look Floyd, if you are going to work for me while I liberate the country it is important that you believe everything I tell you. You need to set the example for others to follow.
Floyd: Sure, sure Julius. Some good news though; Mr Price said they would sponsor our red overalls. Unfortunately Murray and Roberts don’t do the hard-hats in red – only yellow….
Julius: Ag no man. Well, we’ll just nationalise them.
Floyd nods sagely in agreement.
Floyd: How’z the name coming along?
Julius: It’s proving tough but this is what I have come up with: “Economic Freedom Front”
Julius gives Floyd a triumphant look, raises his crystal goblet and sinks another shot of blue.
Floyd: Sounds impressive Julius but what does “Economic” mean?
Julius: Eeeeeeeee…..it’s basically taking from the wealthy and giving it to us to distribute to the poor….
Floyd: Jees Julius does that mean you’ll be giving up your houses, farms, cars, watches, trust accounts….
A few blue infused beads of sweat start appearing on Julius’s forehead.
Julius: Don’t be an idiot Floyd, I need those things as Commander-in-Thief, sorry Chief….to keep up appearances.
Floyd: Sure, sure. And “Front” – as in “cold front”? Or you are “in front” as opposed to behind?
Julius reaches for the blue and pours another double.
Julius: Eeeeeee….
Floyd: What about “Fighters” instead? At least the masses will understand that…and it also starts with an “F” like my name…
Julius: Floyd….
Floyd: Correct…”F” for Floyd.
Julius swirls his blue as if lost in thought; Floyd is not sure whether Julius is thinking though.
Julius: Brilliant my trusty comrade, "Fighters" it is. But don’t forget who came up with that name.
Julius gives Floyd a knowing look.
Julius: Now, lets toast the “Economic Freedom Front…”
Julius pours them each a stiff blue and jumps up from the Chesterfield
Floyd: You mean the Economic Freedom Fighters?
Julius: Eeeeeeeeeee….yes, to the EEF!
Julius raises his goblet, crashes it into Floyds, takes a long swig and falls back into the chair. Floyd groans inwardly. “It’s going to be a long year ahead for this long suffering Economic Freedom Fighter!”