Now unemployed I have a bit more time on my hands (as the unemployed tend to have) so I decided to walk to visit a friend of mine; it was probably a good 45 minutes and it took me through some pretty decent areas; tree lined avenues, £1.5m bangers (that’s not an expensive sausage – just some slang from my days in housing (not estate agency in case you were wondering!) for a “big” house) and of course past the local school.
I just happened to pass when all the pupils were spilling out onto the street. Now there is one thing that always raises the hackles on the back of my neck; the abuse of the school tie. And this lot were no exception.
What a maligned piece of material! When the tie was first considered as an accessory to a uniform or a suit what exactly did the designer have in mind? My bet – that it be tied neatly at the neck with a knot and then be allowed to drop just above the belt line.
Well these pupils – and many others like them – haven’t got that message. The only message they got is to “put a tie on”. Forget the type of knot; forget that it doesn’t work if you decide to go “open neck” at the same time; and most importantly forget the appropriate length.
No it is much better – or possibly a sign of “sticking it to the man” or whatever the pimply “yuff” (“youth” just said in a UK accent for my international readers) are rebelling against these days - to wear your shirt “open neck” with one or two buttons undone for good measure. And then inserting the poor tie into the collar such that the knot is more of a “tangled mash” of material and finally ensuring that the tie itself doesn’t reach below the third button on your shirt. Of course you do get the exception; that legend who has rebelled against the rebellers and prefers to have the tie swinging at crotch height. Maybe it’s a playground gang “thang”.
What is the point I ask you? When I was at school we wore straw boaters (a “hat” for all intents and purposes) that doubled as Frisbees most of the time. The rebels amongst us thought it hilarious to punch the top out of the boater so that one’s head was exposed. Those less inclined to say “up yours” to the headmaster, would over the years use the straw to feed various pets until the boater resembled more of a bowler hat. And those like me, the real nerds, would just scribble rebellious slogans and catch phrases inside it. Needless to say if outward appearances were anything to go by my boater was in reasonable shape after four years at a South African high school! But the school authorities eventually got rid of them because it was very difficult to keep the pupils motivated to maintain their boaters; I think partly because the boater was of an age that no “modern” schoolboy could relate to or had any interest in.
The poor old school tie should be put out of its misery and relegated to party nights at London’s School Disco. Some might say this is a slippery slope; well maybe the concept of a “uniform” is. I can relate to this; one of the many upsides of unemployment is that I don’t have to put a suit-and-tie on for work and if I was ever fortunate to find that dream job which required just shorts-and-a-t-shirt that would be just fine by me!
Out!