Negative SoundByters; Good Day and WELCOME to a special lunchtime edition of NSB. It’s just got to be done given what has occurred over the pond over the last 24 hours!"
So here goes!
Yours in the new post apocalyptic landscape called Earth
Hoddy
The Donald. What a legend! He's just pulled off the biggest heist in political history - like EVER!
Now before everyone starts choking on their triple caramel enfused grande latte from Starbucks or that flaky warm buttery croissant from Pauls or that limp brown bread sandwich from Pret let me just say that I googled what “legend” means and according to Google (which always tells the truth) a legend is a noun (yes got that) and can be “an extremely famous or notorious person, especially in a particular field”.
I would say that The Donald fits the bill exactly – he is both very famous and notorious all at the same time in multiple fields:
Politics – He will soon assume the position of the most powerful person on the planet. Smashed that out of the park. BOOM!
Women’s rights – He has managed to insult, verbally abuse and demean practically the entire female species and still come out on tops (er…is that a bit too suggestive?)
Construction – The Donald’s plan to build a wall between the US and Mexico and then get them pesky Mexicans to pay for it; pure genius!
Television – YOU’RE FIRED! (I reckon the corridors of power in Washington will be hearing that rallying cry a lot in the months ahead.)
Business – The Donald has sought bankruptcy protection four times and still managed to amass a billion dollar empire (or so he claims.) Looking forward to seeing those tax returns!
Hairdressing – You cannot beat how The Donald has reinvented a look of some sort of flattened bleach blond racoon draped over his forehead. There is no doubt that a booming trend of The Donald inspired haircuts is on the way!
Climate change: I think it is safe to say that The Donald is a climate change sceptic. You can now haul out your “I LOVE fossil fuels” bumper sticker for your gas guzzling four-wheel drive behemoth without fear of being lynched by the Green Brigade – who lets face it can be equally as zealous at times; just in the opposite direction!
Race relations: The Donald does not appear to be a massive fan of Muslims; hell’s teeth he even had some special words for our own London mayor Sadiq Khan! Sadiq got on his “my little pony” about it all – all righteous and indignant like – before The Donald’s white stallion trampled the mealy mouthed fool into the ground.
Nuclear weapons: The Donald is itching to give these a try. I have just instructed my builder to reinforce our extension with steel girders (see below) in case Mrs H and I need to take refuge somewhere. That said I am not sure how the Velux and 70 square foot roof lantern will deal with radiation. Check it out below; those bolts are used in tube tunnels - no jokes!
Foreign relations: Seating plan at Buckingham Palace for first state visit to the UK: Theresa May (UK PM and a woman), The Queen (The Queen and a woman), The Donald (President of the US of A and barely human), Sadiq Khan (London Mayor and a Muslim), Nicola Sturgeon (Scottish First Minister and a woman!). I mean you couldn't make this stuff up!!
You see the thing is The Donald mobilised people en mass with a LOUD and fairly consistent message. His agenda is not exactly subtle but my word was it effective.
America I might be a bigoted, narcissistic, borderline psychopath and yes I have pissed off a few chicks, some Latinos and a couple of Muslims (Sadiq who?) along the way but you can TRUST ME with the big stuff. I cannot be swayed by all those vested interests that have made jobs disappear across to – where is that place again, the big one – oh yes, China; I will not be a stooge to Big Business; I will not cow tow to all those lobby groups in Washington who protect the privileged few; I am INCORRUPTIBLE. I am a CHAMPION of the little guy unlike Hillary and Bill! Together we will MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
Contrast with Hillary’s message:
Please vote for me because…er….uh….well about those emails……..Bill will you please stop eyeing up that new intern….
Hillary – well she couldn’t mobilise herself out of a paper bag even with instructions from her private gmail account. She had all of womenhood on her side; every single “minority” (one would assume), and throw in some sensible white males – and she still couldn’t pull it off. It appears that a large proportion of Americans value TRUST above all else or put another they found The Donald the less distrustful of the two.
Either way The Donald is heading for the White House. Amen.
So what can we do to counter this agenda that seeks to divide rather than unite:
We can try harder to be kinder to each other. We can give each other a hug. We can continue to find joy in the small things. Crack a joke – make someone laugh. Counter hate with love. Fight bigotry with dialogue. Continue to disagree with each other, but in a peaceful and constructive way. Speak up for yourself and what you believe. We are better than The Donalds of this world – and for that matter the Hillaries. We must remain optimistic even in these fractured times.
As a Negative-SoundByter you have a positive contribution to make, no matter how small!!
OUT.