Good morning Negative SoundByters! Phew it is an early start this morning. I must be the only unemployed person in London that is up at 5:30! It’s not that I forgot about my weekly pledge to you; most of my creative energy was poured into the weekend at the Escape School with my tribe, the Purple Emperors so I thought it best to let the brain recuperate last night (I watched a movie called “Concussion” with Will Smith – so a certain irony there) and then get up at the crack of dawn this morning – at the moment there is not even a crack (that’s how dark it is) – and “crack on” from there.
I suppose the only major event of geopolitical significance that is worth mentioning is the election of The Donald. I covered this in a special edition of NSB last week so feel free to page virtually back to that blog post.
On the weekend we had what is called an “Un-conference” where we each presented a topic to the tribe. One was about climate change and a graph was presented showing time and how certain species had become extinct because of major climatic events.
When Elon Musk and his band of merry men (sorry, and women) are studying that same graph in a few years time - on Mars - it could well indicate an extinction event c. 2017 when The Donald got to launch some nuclear weapons for the crack. I bet Elon has renewed focus on how to sustain life many moons away from this lunatic. Last time I looked even a Tesla is unable to withstand a nuclear fallout!
But let’s move away from thoughts of total annihilation and get on with this week’s little anecdote.
Yours in the magic of Mondays!
Christopher
I have never been very good at meditation or I suppose what is more of a Western construct – mindfulness. I had previously done a bit of yoga which had been great (nothing like a good chant after a long hard day in the swamp!), right up to the time I fired up some home practice, engaged the child’s pose position and promptly pinched a nerve in my lower back which rendered my right leg powerless. Not such an awesome outcome (thankfully I have since recovered) but I digress….!
Now that I have escaped from the swamp and am on this journey of self- discovery and renewal, I thought it appropriate to try to incorporate some “less impactful” routines into my day. How hard can it be? Ten minutes of zen. Cleanse the soul and mind. Hey presto. Ready to go!
But the Accountant in me needs some structure. It’s interesting in that some hip entrepreneur I spoke to about it, recommended heading off to this retreat for a crash course where you arrive, unpack, get the white cottons on, and learn all about meditation except it’s all done in total silence other than when you are watching these videos on how to meditate. I don’t know about you but while that might be deemed an “immersive experience” I think I would go bat shit crazy. It’s not like it’s a weekend down in Surrey; it’s a full TEN days in actual INDIA. That’s 240 hours of me not being able to form words except in my head. And no eye contact. And up at 4:30 every morning. Makes going to the swamp sound like a piece of cake! I can’t spend 10 minutes in my head at the moment let along nigh on 15,000! I said that I would think about it…whatevs!
No what I need is something I can do at home which doesn’t involve me getting up at 4:30 or for that matter incapacitating myself! Something that I can do sitting in a chair for 10 minutes, preferably while looking out of the window! And along came Headspace.
Of course some bright spark has designed an app for facilitating mindfulness training. These days there is an “app” for just about everything. Soon you won’t even need to be get married – just download an app called “wife” to your smartphone – and most of your needs will be taken care of by algorithm from the comfort of your couch!
So I put my best white cottons on, download it from the app store and listen to the instructions issued by Andy Puddicombe, the voice of Headspace. Isn’t that a great name! I mean who would put the name “Puddicombe” together with an app that was probably built by some 20 year-old genius in India. See this is what happens, my mind wanders and I lose my train of thought…ANDY!!!
I am sitting on the floor cross-legged, (even I know that to get in the mood you need to be on the floor) but Andy says I can sit in a chair so I quickly revert back to my leather John Lewis office chair. Aaaaah much better…back supported, bum nicely enveloped in the sumptuous leather – a perfect start!
And then we are off and Andy’s dulcet tones are soon taking me into the nether most regions of my consciousness softly and deftly engaging with my deepest thoughts and calming my overexcited mind. I wish! A couple of minutes in, my eyes are squeezed tightly shut, and I am doing my best to concentrate on Andy’s very English accent and follow his basic instructions.
“Let those thoughts come back in. And then let them go again……Breattthhhheeeeeeeee”
"Andy! Andy! My brain is being overrun – HEEEEELLLLLPPPPPP! Andy – are you there?"
“You hear those noises – maybe it’s a car driving down the street. Or maybe it’s the cry of a bird as it circles overhead. Or maybe the voice of your next door neighbour. Notice them. Embrace them. Acknowlege them. Let them in. And then let them……”
“FFS Andy! I’ve got thoughts, noises, sounds bombarding me all at the same time. All hell is breaking loose here. I need an intervention – quick!!”
Suddenly a different sounding voice - more female like and a little less relaxed - enters my zen cloud.
“Christopher! Where are you? The builders are here! I’ve got one asking for a cuppa, another wanting to install the fireplace, another messing around with me cupboards. You need to come downstairs pronto!”
“Andy, we have a code red. That’s a voice I can’t let go of. If she was an app I could minimise her, but Mrs H is a real human and if she comes up here and finds me in my white cottons staring out of the window I am in deep doo-doo. You feel me? I’m going to have to let you go……”
And there you have it. I couldn’t even get through ten minutes before my life swept me up again. But at least I have made a start – that’s what counts! Next time I just need to tell Mrs H not to disturb me before I start the practice. I might get an arched eyebrow (☺ ) but that’s a small price to pay for a full 10 minutes with Andy Puddicombe!
OUT.
Pic of the week: I snapped this on the South Bank. It almost feels like a movie set or even a seaside village promenade.
