Ah yes Negative-Soundbyters; a post that falls out of the usual Monday morning cycle! What could possibly be so important that it cannot wait another few days instead of taking up my readers precious time; time that could be better spent eating mince pies, decorating a Christmas tree or enduring Robbie William’s latest ode to himself…I can’t work out whether he is being serious or not with go-get-it lyrics like these:
I love my life
I am powerful
I am beautiful
I am free (retch)
I love my life
I am wonderful
I am magical (retch)
I am me
I love my life (HURL)
*(my reactions in brackets just in case you weren't sure because the lyrics are that bad)
Anywho I digress….and I would like to share something with you should you have that minute to spare.
I have recently finished my course at Escape The City. I left on a high. I had joined a tribe. I was beginning to understand how purpose and values might manifest themselves in my future. I had learnt some new things about myself - mostly positive ☺ - and I felt hopeful about the months ahead in putting these newfound skills, although still quite raw, into action. “Actions speak louder than words” as is said.
Now if you remember from a previous post we had to “identify” our imposter, that little voice that gnaws at your self-confidence and often in some cases even your self-worth; “You are not good enough”. Once you understand what your imposter looks like (in my case I called him “Brett”) the easier it becomes to “manage” him.
So fast forward to today:
I’m wallowing in my bubble of Christmas happiness and then all of a sudden Brett pulls up at No 68 Barrow Road in a sleigh (which he no doubt stole from Santa) and starts sh6tting all over my Yuletide parade and singing “I love my life” at the top of his lungs. I mean he got into my head big time; to such an extent that when Mrs H and I were discussing our beautiful new floor I told her “It looks blue to me” and flounced off. Not exactly the response Mrs H was looking for after all the effort that had gone into choosing the colour, grain and texture of said floor!
Brett made himself comfortable for most of the day and I exchanged my bubble of baubles and tinsel for self pity and a small dose of petulance (which had Mrs H reaching for the wooden spoon!). I find it interesting in some masochistic sort of way how parts of your mind can turn on you and beat you up. I came home from my run (to escape Brett – no chance!) and looked up at my house (which I love) and just saw a large mortgage and financial distress; a massively negative reaction to a part of my life that means so much to me – my family home.
That said I can’t ignore Brett and I shouldn’t. How often have we been told about the stiff upper lip; that it’s survival of the fittest; that demonstrating supposed “weakness” is a death knell in the corporate world (and often outside it as well) - “think positive” is the mantra to live by!
But to me that is all baloney; Brett is to be acknowledged and recognised for what he is. I just have to keep working hard on the things that have a positive impact on my life so that his influence is diminished – like entertaining you with Negative-Soundbyte for instance!
The world is a crazy place. And we are all running around like lunatics trying to keep up. We are stressed and tired. There are plenty of external forces at play that want to break us (Southern Rail in London is seeing to that) and then on top of it the saboteur sneaks in to amplify these feelings of discontent. I think it almost impossible to be immune to it, but certainly one of the “soundbytes” that resonated for me during Escape was learning to be kinder to ourselves for we are fragile – yet spirited – souls! I forgot that today. I just put more pressure on myself. And Brett provided the hammer blow!
That’s why I had to write this impromptu post; Negative-Soundbyte is a way of me being kinder to myself and by exposing Brett in such a way; well it keeps him on his toes!
Big love to you all.
Hoddy
PS: I have now read the full lyrics to Robbie’s song and it appears that he is not singing about himself! Doesn’t change anything for me – I still want to hurl when I hear it!