Special Edition: Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No

A stork about to crash land at Number 68 Barrow Road carrying a little baby! That’s right Negative SoundByters; yours truly is going to be an actual father in about six months time!

Kels and I went for the scan this past Friday and the doctor said the word “normal” about 10 times which I took for meaning that everything was “normal” and that therefore we could expect something small and snuggly on the 30th July (to be precise!)

It would have been cool if the scan could have been in colour – and 3D – and then at least when the doc said “and there is its head” I would have been able to make a 100% positive identification of said anatomical feature but he sounded like he knew what he was on about – and Kels was in agreement – so I was cool with that!

I looked very closely at the monitor on which the scan was being displayed. It’s fair to say that this little 7cm bundle from God entranced me. And boy was it active. It wouldn’t stop rolling around; one minute it was lying on its side, then it was lying on its back then it rolled over into a completely new position. If it had stood up then that would have been very interesting. It wasn’t keen on the camera though. For 9 smackers you get 3 pics of the scan to take home with you and try as we might the little guy – or girl(!) – wouldn’t play ball and give us a face shot. But we got some goodies in the end tho! I can tell that it looks like me.

Kels has been a proper soldier through the first trimester. I cannot fathom what it must be like to have an actual human growing inside you, but she takes it in her stride. If it were I, I think I would freak out. I’ve watched Alien too many times and the whole exploding belly thing leaves me in cold sweats. However Kellie is as cool as the proverbial cucumber but her liquid consumption has gone up exponentially. I am constantly making pints of water with a dash of lime. At this rate forget the need for suckling from the boob; stick a straw into its mouth and let it draw from a pint glass of water-and-lime!

There are a lot of books written about babies. I haven’t read the one Kellie bought me yet. It’s called the “Expectant Dad’s Handbook”. And it’s quite long. What is there to write about that’s not covered in the “Expectant Mom’s Handbook” which Kels has definitely read and summarised. My assumption is that the baby will be born; we will take it home and put it in the cot; feed it seven times a day/night; change a lot of nappies; get no sleep and repeat. Am I wrong? It’s better that I just follow instructions in the early stages – words like “initiative” should be used sparingly! Kels is the boss, the baba is 2-IC and I bring up the rear – carrying everything.

Speaking of the word “carrying” but we went into one of these shops that sell all the paraphernalia to transport the baba safely. My oath it’s as if NASA got bored of designing space shuttles and decided to turn their substantial intellect to prams. The sales lady spent about 30 minutes talking through all the features; clips, hoods, inner linings, wheels, breaks, colours, fabrics… the works. I glazed over a little but Kels was taking notes so I knew that we had it covered. It can’t be too long before Elon Musk has worked out the parentless bugga-boo such is the technical progress in this “field”. I was happy though; you can get one that has a 4x4 suspension so I can run-and-push. The fact that it was the price of a small car – hey that’s details; it’s the baby’s comfort we are talking about here!!

The next project is the nursery. I already have my instructions in this regard. Remove existing bed. That’s it. Kels and I had this conversation and she said I should have a look for stuff as well. I was like – say what? You already know what you want to buy. It’s itemised, priced up and ready for ordering. What possible value could I add in this regard? I know – none, zero, nada. I mentioned that Sainsbury’s had some cool baba clothing; that ended the conversation right there! I won’t be in charge of baba accessories. Nappies maybe.

But when all is said-and-done when I looked at the little baba wriggling inside my beautiful wife the first word that came out of my mouth was ”miracle”. Hopefully we will have trouble-free six-or-so months and then it will be time to welcome a new addition to our family. And for that I am truly thankful. There can be no better gift; other than that of life.

BIG LOVE TO YOU ALL.

Hoddy X

PS: Trump landed in the White House on the same day we received the all-clear. That would be a bold name if it was a boy; “The Donald”. The Donald Hodson. Might hold him back a bit in later life though.

Pic of the Week:

A special day requires a trip back to a special memory; our anniversary celebrated in Mozambique. Just in case you were wondering; that's Mrs H in the pink :)