Edition 12: "What's in a name?"

Good morning Negative-Soundbyters and welcome to the first Monday of February 2017. Phew! January is now behind us. It’s usually the toughest month to get through; lots of giddy festive cheer leading into the New Year with enthusiasm and a bunch of great intentions only for them to be dashed on the proverbial rocks of Southern Rail and the swamp and by the time February rolls in the gym membership card is lying in the top drawer of your desk gathering dust and you are back in the pub drinking pints and lamenting the weather (where it is warm and you don’t have to get sweaty!)

Talking of the gym and exercise in general I am involved in a push-up challenge with a few friends: 1st January was 1 push-up; 2nd January was 2 push-ups….and so it goes. Today we are on push-up 37. The load is manageable at this stage. It will get interesting however when Little Hoddy is trying to put in an appearance. On the due date of 31 July both of us will be doing some serious pushing: Mrs H for Little Hoddy and I push-up No 212!

Any major events of geopolitical importance this week?

I see that Dave Beckham has not exactly endeared himself to his fans, UNICEF et al with some quite interesting language deployed when he wasn’t put up for a knighthood and when he rejected a request to put his own money into some charitable venture-or-tutha. One sure way to make a robust case for that “Sir” to the Honours Committee that makes these awards is to call them a bunch of “c56ts”! The other classic is that “Sir” Dave got the hump about some travel arrangements when he had to fly off to some humanitarian crisis. He wanted UNICEF to pay for a business class ticket despite his sponsors ferrying him around in a private jet. He obviously wanted the flyer miles as well.

And my personal favourite:

“Another showed PR man Oliveira suggesting he put a million dollars (£800,000) into a UNICEF prize-giving dinner in Shanghai.

The leaks show Beckham replied: “I don’t want to put my personal money into this cause. To pour this million into the fund, is like putting my own money in.”

Er? Yes “Sir” Dave…being asked to put your own money into something means your own money.

I feel I have what it takes to be a UNICEF ambassador: flying business class around the world holding up black kids for a bunch of cameras and wearing a UNICEF t-shirt, no problem. Plenty of time in-between to do my push-ups!

Let’s move on from Sir Dave….to another hot topic!

Big love to you all!

Hoddy X

Names.

Joan of Arc. Genghis Khan. Helen of Troy. Hannibal. Winston Churchill. Zeus. The Donald. Christopher of Streatham.

These are the sorts of names that strike fear into the hearts of their enemies. Big. Bold. Daring. Live by the Sword. Die by the Sword. Possibly one or two questions around the last two; but I certainly feel that I have warrior potential!

So Mrs H and I are having tea in bed on Sunday morning – as we are want to do on the weekend. I am in charge of tea. I am a responsibility-lite husband; Mrs H prefers it that way! Of course the subject of Little Hoddy comes up as one might expect over a nice aromatic brew.

“Why don’t we talk about names?” and Mrs H passes across “Baby Names 2017; over 8000 of this year’s favourite names”. I wouldn’t quite say that I got a bit of a sweat on but my throat did dry up a bit at the prospect of working my way through this tome under the scrutiny of the arched eyebrow. I opened it up gingerly and began scanning through literally thousands of different names.

I am in the KISS camp. Keep-it-Simple-Stupid. Hence “Christopher Junior”. Keeps up the warrior stock and everyone is clear on the difference: I am “senior”; Little Hoddy is “junior” and should the Yanks ever invade, he will fit in. I am not sure “Kellie Junior” has the same ring though! Of course I didn’t say any of this out-loud; naming rights are no joking matter with Mrs H.

Choosing the right name is a big deal though. After all the little guy or girl is stuck with it so you don’t want to stuff it up. It’s a label for life.

These are the things I am thinking about:

Is it a family name – does it “go” with Hodson?
The family tree is the place to start unless you hate your family. On my side we have some very good strong Anglo Saxon names like John, Nicholas, Patrick, Phillip, Lee, and Patricia (and don’t forget Christopher) which all seem to “blend” agreeably with Hodson. Mrs H’s Dad is “Alan”; her Mom “Diane” so some big Gaelic and Roman themes there. So it is unlikely that we would want to go for something like “Lionel”. It doesn’t quite have the same gravitas…Lionel Hodson; unless of course you are “dancing on the ceiling”….

Do you keep it geographically “neutral”?
It is likely that Little Hoddy will be born in the UK so giving it a French or Italian name might make it easier for him or her to score with the opposite sex later in life but that doesn’t really make sense either. If anything my homeland has plenty of potential – something like “Bok” or “Sizwe” Hodson.

How many syllables is it?
People are lazy. They like to shorten names.

Could it morph into something else?
The obvious one here is Richard becoming Dick. I looked up the reason for this. Richard actually means “hard ruler”. Get it? But no that’s not it! Apparently Richard became Rich, became Rick, became Hick, Became Dick….no jokes. Just a nickname apparently!

Is it both a girl’s and a boy’s name?
There is enough in this world to confuse the kid than giving it a name common to both genders. You can imagine in class the teacher calling out Vivien and both Little Hoddy and a member of the opposite sex putting up its hand. The playground is a battlefield and the teasing would be incessant. That said if Little Hoddy gets half of Mrs H’s feistiness the class bully shouldn’t present a challenge.

Is it a fruit or vegetable?
A very Hollywood-esque approach. I am just not into naming my child after something that I can put in my mouth. Apple. Pear. Carrot. Tomato. Ginger. Thankfully Mrs H agrees with me on this one!

Is it difficult to spell?
As people get more stupid so it will be even more important to keep complexities in this regard to a minimum.

“It’s Cassiopeia Hodson speaking”

“Say what? Casio-who? Can you spell that please?”

“C-A-S-S-I-O-P-E-I-A”

“Thank you – so that’s K-A-S-I-O-P-E-A”

It’s just too hard. Keep it simple stupid.

Will you struggle at passport control when entering the US?
“Isis” Hodson will definitely fall foul of The Donald’s ban but yet “Isis” does appear as one of the 8000 names in the 2017 Names compendium. I like the idea of naming Little Hoddy after an Egyptian Goddess of motherhood, magic and fertility but unfortunately the name has already been hijacked so-to-speak!

Lots of things to consider but discussions are advancing on this front. We have discarded probably about 3000; only 5000 to go! We will let you know the outcome on the 31 July hopefully! ☺

OUT.

Pic of the Week:
Something about the simplicity of the composition that I like.