Good morning Negative-Soundbyters! I feel a sense of mini accomplishment because an edition of NSB has been coming out every week now for just over six months. The format has changed slightly since September last year but I have tried to remain faithful to the style and essence of what this blog is all about; a light-hearted account of everyday life! What it does mean though is that I am constantly having to think up ways of introducing it – there are only so many ways to describe an early morning start.
That said, while I cannot see them, I can certainly hear the chirping of the birds as they begin their Spring day –having a good old natter about the weekend over a worm or some birdseed! We used to enjoy a myriad of birdlife in our garden; our builder put pay to that by turning our little patch into a scene that wouldn’t look out of place in an urban warfare context (See Edition 17). Our birds took one look at the carnage wrought and decided there were less challenging ways of securing an early morning bite; birdseed mixed with cement dust is not quite what birds from South West London have in mind!
Is there anything geo-politically significant to discuss this week?
If you remember I remarked in Edition 17 on Phil Hammond and his National Insurance increase. Aaaah yes. Well Phil has had to put his rather large government car into reverse on that one and will now not be raising NI in this parliament. No doubt breaking a key Tory manifesto pledge didn’t go down too well with Theresa which does in some ways bring into question whether he even discussed the budget with her before he unveiled it.
When I present our house budget to Mrs H I step through the key headlines. There is always a bit of negotiating over “discretionary” spend (that’s where Mrs H allocates her handbags !) but generally speaking there are no surprises as long as I make adequate provision especially with a build going on! Mrs H is not into surprises; a 21-week-old little terror is kicking the crap out of her insides at the minute – and the last thing she wants to hear is that we are going to have to make a saving-or-two when it comes to the baba’s nursery because I under-provided for something!
So my advice to Phil is next time sit down with the Boss, the budget and the manifesto – get out a green crayon and a red crayon and tick through all the budget items; a green tick for manifesto compliant and a red cross for “egg all over face; embarrass the boss and the party; make myself look a bit stupid; you’re fired”.
Okay so now that we have walked through Budgeting 101, let’s move onto this week’s anecdote….
Big Love to All.
Hoddy X
Sky Q.
Sky is quickly replacing Southern Rail as the bane of my life. I wouldn’t have though this possible because Southern Rail is the worst company on the planet – in fact lets extend that to the Galaxy – for if there is any other planet out there that allows its key infrastructure to be managed like Southern Rail manages its trains, then the chances of them having the capabilities to find earth our about as remote as Southern management and the unions working out who should close the train doors. But I digress…
Mrs H and I are fortunate to live in an old semi-detached Victorian house. The Victorians were not thinking about Sky when they built these properties; big thick walls and multiple storeys which always makes the positioning of the satellite dish a challenge. We had more than one TV and trying to wire up multiple boxes over three floors to the dish was going to be a mission. Enter Sky Q.
I log into Sky and lo-and-behold they have a “wireless” product that is the panacea; they have a picture of a multi-storeyed house and a little box on each floor beaming out Sky wirelessly to the entire family. And it’s a happy family because everyone is smiling; Sky is on every TV, Little Joey is giving the thumbs-up and the even the dog is wagging its tail. That is the vision that I thought I was buying into – plus “Little Joey” minus the dog!
Er…that’s a negative Jim.
I am never an early adopter when it comes to technology; I mean I have only had a smartphone for the last six months! But for some reason I got suckered into Sky’s viewing for the whole family (minus miles of cable) whether you were in the attic or the basement, plonked down a not insubstantial sum for installation and set-up and here we are, circa a year into ownership, and truth betold – if I could give it all back I would!
“You are experiencing connectivity issues, please go to Network Settings…”
and so begins the arduous process of trying to work out where the problem lies. Sky blames the router; all its lights are flashing green so that can’t be the “root” of the problem but just in case I reset it and all associated devices. “Reset” to me means pulling out all the plugs and turning the power on-and-off - basically anything that can be disconnected.
And then it’s a jog back downstairs (obviously the router is on a different floor) to the box that is causing the problem to then watch Sky go through its reset protocols. And I wait on tenterhooks as a it goes through 4 of 4 steps and just as the 4th step is about to initiate so….
“You are experiencing connectivity issues……please check your router…”
At this point I am becoming mildly frustrated; my hand is tightening just a tad around the remote control; the veins in my forehead are beginning to pulse; beads of sweat are starting to form but I take it all in my stride and jog back upstairs to disconnect the supposed culprit.
By the fourth time the smiley faced Dad watching sport in his bunker cinema room on the Sky Q advert has been replaced by a deranged wide-eyed maniac who is frantically pressing buttons, remonstrating with a blank screen that just says “SKY” and charging up-and-down stairs even resorting to unplugging the microwave! (Because obviously there’s a link between a microwave oven and Sky Q!)
Needless-to-say resetting Sky Q is not a seamless process and not one for those looking to control their blood pressure levels. I am about to resort to the telephone “helpline” but that could well take me over the edge – that’s if I can actually find a number on the labyrinth that is the Sky Q website!
OUT.
Pic of the week:
This feels rather apt for this week's Soundbyte!
