Good morning Negative Soundbyters! I trust that you spoilt your Mum yesterday or if you are a Mum that you got some flowers or a box of chocolates in recognition of the hard yards you put in every year! Mrs H tried to spin it to me that Mother’s Day should apply to her as well. I said that unfortunately it was not “Mothers-To-Be Day” and therefore she would have to wait one more year before it was her turn. I got a slightly raised eyebrow but no push back! (I think pregnancy is taking the fight out of Mrs H….careful Hoddy you are treading on dangerous ground with chirps like that )
What of geopolitical significance is there to report?
Colonialism is all the rage in South Africa at the minute. Helen Zille, a Democratic Alliance bigwig, put out some tweets arguing that South Africa had benefited to a degree from colonisation. This after she had visited Singapore which, while not exactly a poster boy for democracy, has used the legacy of colonisation to fashion a country that seems to punch heavily above its weight when it comes to things like the legal system, education, the economy etc.
This has not go down very well in the rainbow nation where sensitivities around race and the past are running at an all time high. Just mention the c-word and be prepared to run the gauntlet; God-zille didn't just "mention" it; she "justified" parts of it to her million-plus followers on Twitter! She hurdled the frying pan straight into a massive bonfire! Eish....
She now faces an internal disciplinary enquiry. Watch this space...
Now of course NSB is not meant to be "politically orientated" so let me move swiftly on to this week's anecdote.
Big Love
Hoddy X
DIY Furniture.
Could this be any more of a struggle? I am not sure what it is about my assembly skills but I have now been found wanting on several occasions and I am left wondering – is it me or is it the complexity of what I am putting together that is the issue? I know which one Mrs H is tending towards having participated in the last (attempted) erection. Okay that didn’t come out quite right but I think you know what I mean….
Case in point…new bar stools for our kitchen island.
Firstly – and probably the only part of the process I managed without swearing – was opening the cardboard box. Even this can be challenging because often it is so tightly packed that you must turn the box upside down and give it a bit of a shake to get the piece of furniture out; and then it’s a matter of cutting away all the plastic straps and Styrofoam supports before the furniture is revealed. As an aside, if you want to make a real mess – break that Styrofoam into bin bags. That’s usually the job Mrs H gives to me; no skills required – just good with the broom and sweeping up all those little bits of Styrofoam that cascade off in all directions when broken up.
However this time we thought we would assemble the chairs together. Many hands make light work as they say. I am not quite sure my level of incompetence was envisaged when that expression was penned.
I got stuck in and proceeded to build one of the chairs in accordance with the instructions as I “interpreted” them. Ah yes – that word “interpret”. Generally just “following” instructions is the most efficient way forward; trying to understand what the designer might have been thinking when that instruction was formulated is a bound to leave one where I ended up which was:
Mrs H’s beady eye surveying my handiwork and proclaiming; “the legs are back to front”. Me protesting that I “followed the instructions”. Mrs H “look at the picture; the legs are back to front”. Me with a slightly pained expression reverting to the picture and having to acknowledge that “yes, the legs are indeed back to front”.
So then it is back with my head under the chair trying to undo the bolts which I have tightened to a point where not even Hercules would be able to loosen them. Sweat pouring off me. Temple vein throbbing. (It is Sky Q all over again!). Finally I manage to loosen the bolts, rearrange the legs, tighten up again, and hey presto….
The chair wobbles when I sit on it.
Back to the instructions which state: “Tighten bolts once chair is balanced. Test that all 4 legs are level before tightening.” Of course the instructions were not that explicit but the diagram included sent a very similar message which I did not obey because I know better!
By this time Mrs H had assembled two of the chairs perfectly with no screws or plugs or bolts left over. I had a few of the aforementioned items “spare” which I surreptitiously hid in the closet drawer lest the arched eyebrow appear!
However as a team we got there in the end; I did 1.5 chairs and Mrs H did 2.5 chairs. I think that if she had done all four and I had been left to collapse the boxes and tidy up the Styrofoam that probably would have been a more efficient segregation of duties!!
So if you are ever in need of erecting any sort of furniture that arrives flat-packed do not call me!
OUT.
Pic of the Week
Not much more to say really....
