Edition 26 “Lime Wood

Good afternoon Negative Soundbyters!

I thought that I would try something a little different and write a review of Lime Wood where Mrs H and I have come for our Baby Moon. (I guess like a Honey Moon, except it’s well…ah yes, an opportunity to enjoy the calm before the storm!) Let’s see if I am worthy of Conde Nast Traveller and my sister Robyn, who is an excellent travel writer….

Okay so 1200 odd words on Lime Wood…let’s begin.

Lime Wood is nestled in the New Forest. When Mrs H and I were driving down she asked me where the New Forest was. To be honest I didn’t have a clue but ventured that it was somewhere south towards the coast. Mrs H thought that it was near Bristol. A quick Google map check had us nowhere near Bristol, but ever closer to the south coast. A small win for Hoddy. (I take whatever I can get these days!) Mrs H blamed the pregnancy for her momentary loss of direction…whatev’s I say (very quietly to myself).

In true British style it rained intermittently on our way down, but I am not sure the weather was going to interfere with my plan of sitting in the outdoor hot pool drinking cold beers and pondering fatherhood and of course spending quality time with Mrs H!

The New Forest doesn’t really announce itself with some sort of grand vista of miles upon miles of forest. One minute you are on a busy arterial road and the next minute you turn off into the New Forest. First thing I noticed was a few horses roaming about. (Mrs H being a horse enthusiast needed to stop the car; I wouldn’t say I fit into that category partly because my ability to ride them is as close as my aptitude for nuclear physics – not all that comfortable!). Apparently people who live in the New Forest have a “common right” to graze their animals in it.

That said it was the world’s oldest donkey that greeted us as we drove through the gates leading up to the house. This donkey looked like it had toiled for about a century and was now seeing out its last years as Lime Wood’s gatekeeper. It peered balefully into the car; it was probably expecting an apple or something but given that I only had wine gums, we moved on gently passed.

The house sits atop a long gradual rise. It is not architecturally imposing in the way that some estate houses are; but I think it fits more naturally with its surroundings.

We parked up and a young gentleman appeared to deal with the bags; for a short stay we had definitely “over-clubbed” (golfing parlance for needing a bigger club than is necessary for the distance; an irrelevant concept when it came to my game as no matter the club it was always a lottery as to how far the ball was going to travel) but he seemed more capable than the donkey so I didn’t offer to shoulder any of the burden!

When I am going “boutique” I like a bit more of a fuss on arrival; a horn-blower is not necessary and I don’t need a flute of Dom or a cold cloth to mop my brow (although that would be nice) but a glass of your basic bubbles as a gesture of welcome I think is a nice touch and would have added a bit of sparkle to that first impression. As it is we were given a personal tour of the hotel and the facilities on checking in which is always a positive sign.

Our room was tucked away towards the back of the estate and the walk through gave us a real sense for the scale of the grounds and its setting; it has been laid out to be sympathetic to its natural setting and maximise the long sloping views over the forest. The treeline is right up against the outer buildings and to me it felt like the architect wanted to ensure that the hotel didn’t impose itself on the forest; rather that it was a guest in the home of mother nature.

Once we were settled, I decided to shake off the cobwebs of the car journey and headed for the spa. The spa is certainly a feature of Lime Wood. The word “spa” probably doesn’t do it justice; it’s more like a mecca to wellness. Lots of exposed wood; fruit bowls; blending machines; “Shhh…Massage in progress” signs and lithe-young-women-in-white (which I didn’t notice - yeah sure! ). My priority was burning off a few calories as opposed to a kale smoothie so I made for the gym which was very well equipped for a boutique hotel. (Sometimes the gym can be a bit of an after-thought; but this was anything but even to the extent of the sweat towels stored in the fridge and the exercise machines fronting big bay windows with sweeping views of the valley.)

Post workout it was down into the sauna and outdoor pool. I had more towels, sandals, robes and bottles of water than I knew what to do with. As expected with such vast facilities I got the shower “sequencing” all wrong and ended up traipsing through the spa with very wet feet to access the pool area when in fact there was already perfectly good shower facilities adjacent to the pool. The lithe-young-women-in-white gave me the Mrs H raised eyebrow but I just winked…(no I didn’t, I scurried for the safety of the sauna!).

One thing is for sure you will not go hungry at Lime Wood – Angela Hartnett, a celebrated chef, makes sure of that. From big, sumptuous breakfasts to sweet and savoury high teas to an Italian dinner menu that will have you singing Mamma Mia (er…or…Nessun Dorma?) from the leafy hilltops, all your culinary desires are taken care of. I don’t often have steak and eggs for brekkie, but I thought when in Rome (or the New Forest) sing Italian opera songs and eat meat. Er….

Small points; I spent quite a bit of time in the bar/lobby area chilling out and contemplating absolutely nothing in particular and it felt as if a number of Lime Wood related meetings were going on around me at different times; laptops out, feverish tapping, coffees and work chat, which I found a little distracting but that seems to be the trend these days – hotel lobbies are synonymous with Apple Macs and young people in jeans and Converse trainers; even in a forest in the middle of nowhere there is no respite!

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Our room shower wasn’t piping hot; given all the plumbing issues that we have had, that didn’t surprise me in the slightest. And Mrs H’s thermostat has gone completely haywire since pregnancy took hold; while she was constantly trying to position herself near a window, great big fires were being lit all over the house which I am not sure were that necessary given that while raining, it was about 18 degrees outside!

I can’t say that I have donned my hiking shoes and hit the trails; the weather hasn’t exactly been kind; but if you are the type that is into tree identification (in this regard there is a tree book next to my bed with about a gazillion different species of tree in it which I opened and then closed again) then the forest, which is literally on your doorstep, will keep you busy for days (if not weeks).

One more Hartnett induced food coma this evening, then we are off tomorrow morning back to the big smoke. The next time we come back there will be a little bundle in tow; I might have renewed interest in tree spotting and getting lost by that point! :)

Big Love

Hoddy X