Edition 36: "Puff the Magic Dragon..."

Good afternoon Negative Soundbyters! It’s a rather indifferent Sunday afternoon weather-wise; the South Africans are once again chasing a lot of leather around the Oval; and I am still waiting for Baba H!

To be fair his official “due date” is today; but we thought that when Mrs H had her cervical stitch removed a few weeks ago the proverbial floodgates would open and Bubs would be with us. Well he has decided otherwise and remains as snug as a bug in a rug. Mrs H is anything but; and I try and remain supportive and encouraging, but there is only so many times that Mrs H will put up with “Not long now….” before the arched eyebrow kicks in or at this stage – even a gentle right hook!

That said we had a good day out yesterday; nothing like a bit of retail therapy to take one’s mind off things although for Mrs H that would be nigh impossible (she is carrying another fully formed human in her body after all) unless it was very sparkly and began with a “d”!

Speaking of a woman’s best friend; apparently a “push present” is a nice gesture from a man to his wife post birth. I had never heard of this concept before but it is definitely something I will consider depending on the degree of push! (Hoddy that is a very brave statement to make; Mrs H sees herself as a brooding bear and you know what happened to Di Caprio in The Revenant!) I also question what happens in the case of a Caesarean? Of course I jest and I think that once Baba H is settled we will do something fun to celebrate. (Note the use of the pronoun “we”; see if I can get in on the “push” present as well – maybe a romantic getaway for two….er….three!)

I did make a purchase yesterday – for myself. It’s called a “Baby Bjorn”. Why “Bjorn” I have no idea. Maybe it was designed by a guy named Bjorn. Maybe Bjorn was the guy who started the company. Maybe the first baba to test it out was named Bjorn. Maybe it was….let’s just leave it there. Anyway, the Bjorn is a baby carrier so when I head down to the pub (sorry I mean café) for a beer (read coffee) I don’t have to faff with the world’s largest and most luxurious pram; all I need do is pop him in the carrier, load some nappies and related paraphernalia into my daypack and off I go! I read through the instruction manual and there are a few things I should stay clear of while wearing the Bjorn, namely; horse-riding; cycling; sailing; skiing; ice-skating; driving or throwing shapes on the dance floor! Most of these things I can’t do anyway – except drive (although Mrs H might disagree) – so Baba H is perfectly safe!

Bring on the Bjorn I say!

Big Love

Hoddy X

Visitors.

Now that we have a garden all sorts of animals have ventured into the grounds to nose about and mark out their territory. I have previously described how the local fox has marked out his terrain much to my chagrin; and of course who could forget the neighbourhood cat nonchalantly raising his tail and spraying my weber while giving me the bird!

The bird life is equally territorial. We have these two plump pigeons that come and pick at the garden seed that Mrs H puts out for them. You hear them before you see because they come into land on top of the garden fence with a real thud! The fence shudders with each landing! In fact if one misjudged it’s inbound flight path and collided with the fence there could well be pigeon pie on the menu!

Now they have a good look around before making their final approach into the garden itself. That’s because we have a dove that has now taken up residence and she has decided that this is her patch and woe betide any fat bird that tries to steal her food. The pigeons do try and take chances while she is not looking; but when she makes a beeline for them they raise their wings and start flapping about as if that is somehow going to scare her off. She literally chases them around the garden with her beak open and claws bared. She’s like a bird version of Mrs H – no one messes with her food!

We have a few feline visitors as well which we have nicknamed. Tuxedo Cat strolls around as if he owns the place; he is quite happy to plonk himself down in the middle of what’s left of my lawn and chill. He doesn’t appear too phased; although given his stature he does struggle with navigating the fence when he wants to leave. I have seen him on a few occasions make the leap only to find himself clawing frantically at the woodwork as he slides back down the fence. He might be in a tuxedo but he aint no James Bond.

My favourite is LSD Cat. This is certainly the most “surprised” cat in Streatham. He (or it might be a she) has a spiky black furry face with large yellow eyes and it always appears in our garden skittish and wide-eyed as if it has just dropped some acid and is chasing a big green dragon across our lawn (which is actually the dove!).

A question that has arisen is whether we will get any pets in the fullness of time. This is a possibility but I think I need to learn how to look after the newest addition to the family first before moving onto the furry variety!

OUT

Pic of the Week

Okay - I just thought the composition was interesting! :)